I haven’t sat at a coffee shop on my computer since ‘nam.   This was months ago, nearly six of them, but I felt busy in France; I felt busy on Long Island working at the bar, and only now, now that I should be studying, do I finally not feel as busy.  I think a big part of it is that I haven’t been alone.  I haven’t felt like writing in Roswell — I always have other things to do.   My summers are filled with friends and family, and France was about spending time with Shyleen and Leeds.  This, by the way, isn’t to say that studying isn’t something to do, but studying is limited.  I remember my father once telling me that the more you practice holding your breath the worse you get each time.  We were in Jamaica, I was probably about eleven and I was practicing for free diving.  You get worse; then you take a break.  You are better later on, later that day, tomorrow.  Studying I find to be pretty similar.  There is only so much you can do before it would be more productive to do something else, regain your attention and return with renewed vigor and improved stamina.  I might also just be lazy.   I haven’t studied much at all today, and I didn’t study much yesterday either.  I have a diagnostic on Saturday, which is tomorrow, and it is too overwhelming to be prepared and I have a feeling I’m leaning towards relatively unprepared.  It probably has to do with the fact that I want to do well.  I’ll forgive myself for doing poorly—which is to say, not exceptionally well—if I don’t give it my all; hopefully before the real deal in December (or even by tomorrow), I’ll change my tune and starting giving it all hundred and ten.

Anyway, I’m selecting a photo from Roswell, also from 2008.  It is of a junkyard.  In part, it is because my place was a heap this morning, before I cleaned, and that is when I was thinking about what I would post.  As an aside, I learned a trick for cleaning faster and mostly getting out of the house sooner.  It won’t work for everyone, but—since I have a television with cable now—I turned on the 700 Club while I picked up clothes and did dishes.  I found it strangely mesmerizing and just new that I didn’t want to sit watching.  That show makes me start picturing all the people that might be watching it along with me and makes me uneasy.  In my mind, there is an innate disconnect between improving ones life and watching late morning television—that might be part of it.  Anyway, the other reason I wanted to select the picture of Roswell, of the junkyard, is because of some of the nostalgia I’ve felt looking over all my old pictures.  Eber and I found that junkyard during a period of exploration.  I was unfamiliar with Roswell, with New Mexico as a whole.  Even Eber wasn’t really settled in.  That was years ago now.  It is hard to imagine…